Running Diary: Pittsburgh at Baltimore for Sunday Night Football

Just a friendly reminder that Ray Lewis is dangerous and he will murder you given the chance…

It’s a primetime Steelers game so that must mean that I will be doing a DSB Running Diary…

It should be interesting tonight because I normally drink heavily during Pittsburgh games.  With the Dennis Dixon era starting tonight against the Ravens and the Steelers nursing a depressing two game losing streak that threatens the whole season, the drinking tonight should be exceptionally heavy.  As such I make no promises about the quality or content of the diary.

7:30  We are almost an hour away from game time, but I had better start the drinking early.  I have also taken Tums, Rolaids and Pepcid AC in preparation for what will certainly be a heartburn inducing divisional matchup.  The first beer of the evening is Samuel Smith’s Organic Raspberry Ale.  I picked this up in a tall boy bottle and while it is a decent beer it tastes more like raspberry flavored champagne than it does a fruit based beer.  I have generally enjoyed Samuel Smith’s high quality craft brewery style beers but this one is a complete disappointment.  The flavor is very heavy on the raspberry and that is all it provides other than an overwhelming fizziness…couple this with a relatively low 5.1% ABV and this is a beer you can skip.

7:38  Watching ESPN do the rundown of all of today’s games.  They take a look at the standings and Berman says that the 7-3 Patriots are “actually a defacto 10-0 team.”  I can actually feel my brain bleeding out my ears at this moment.  Tom Jackson does not murder Berman so I can only assume that he agrees with this insane logic.  I think I just heard an ESPN production assistant kill himself off camera… either because of that statement or due to an impending hostile work environment lawsuit.

7:45  Switched to NBC’s Football Night in America… you know what these guys need?  More pinstripe suits.  They all look like they go to the same tailor.  How about a window pane or a nice plain black suit on someone?  The striped suits are killing me.  But at least my brain has quit bleeding (for now).

7:56  Some pregame advice for Dennis Dixon… considering you are playing the Ravens, you might want to skip the normal football pads and instead put on a Second Chance Body Armor Vest.  It will help protect you from the almost certain shanking you will receive.

8:02  Its cute how Bob Costas colors his hair except for at the sideburns.  It is almost like we are supposed to believe that’s his natural hair color just because he left a little gray.

8:25  And we are off… Ravens kick to the Steelers.  The crowd is really into it.  Sounds like they are getting ready to cheer for a stabbing.

8:33 The Steelers predictably make two runs then the third down pass is nearly picked off.  Time to start really drinking… next beer up is Bear Republic’s Big Black Stout.  This is a deep dark stout and a fantastic brew.  8.1% ABV. Smoky, black and bitter… just like my heart.  It gets the Bearcat Seal of Approval.  I plan to down the entire 22oz bottle in about 5 minutes.  That will help numb the pain of this game.  Oh, good news…Ed Hochuli is calling the game.  Wonder how many push ups he did before the game to ensure that pumped up look…

8:36  Is there an NFL team that dances as much as the Ravens?  It is like they are trying out for Fame after ever play.

8:40  Wilis McGahee with a TD to make it 7-0 Ravens.  Can we get Ryan Clark to unload on him again like he did last year in the AFC Championship game?  I don’t care if we lose Clark for the rest of the game.  It would be worth seeing Ray-Ray cry again.

8:42  From a blimp, Baltimore does not look like the murder capital of the world… all cities should be judged from 5,000 feet.  It is hard to hear the murderous screams from that height too I bet.

8:49  30 yard sprint by Dixon brought back by a holding call… damn he is fast.  The one thing that might save the offense tonight is his legs.

8:50  Time for another beer.  This time we are going top shelf:  Sierra Nevada Torpedo Imperial IPA.  I may have mentioned this beer before during a previous running diary.  If you ever get the chance to pick it up, it is a must drink IPA.  Hoppy but not in excess.  A fantastic beer by which other IPAs could be judged.  It natually gets the Bearcat Seal of Approval.

8:56  The Miller commercial where they cheer and clink glasses to “Jingle Bells” or whatever that holiday song is makes me want to take a machete to the marketing team that dreamed it up.  I hate that commercial and I hate that I am going to be subjected to it during every football game from now until the middle of January.

9:00  Cris Collinsworth:  “This is not really a football game…”  Then what the hell is it?  It kind of looks like a football game to me.

9:03  Dixon makes two GREAT throws to tie the game.  Wow… turn the game manager mode off.  And out come the Terrible Towels… Got to love seeing those at away games if you are a Steelers fan.

9:07  Uh oh… the downside of any Steelers’ touchdown is the ensuing kickoff.  I need to switch to high test.  Vodka and club soda… I bet you thought I was going to reach for the Jameson.  Unfortunately I only have 12 year in the house and that stuff is too good to just start throwing down.

9:13  Collinsworth:  “Michael Oher was brought here just to block Lamar Woodley…”  What is Oher doing for the other 14 games? Signing copies of The Blind Side?

9:19  Baltimore’s cheerleaders look like the Ravens just went down to the local YWCA and gave the aerobics class pom-poms and bus fare to the game.  (Max Power is stunned to hear that Baltimore’s women do aerobics).

9:25  Ray Lewis gets flagged for an obvious holding.  He should give up arguing with the ref and just stab him… you know he wants to.

9:42  First Gay then Taylor gets burned by the Ravens vertical attack.  14-7 Ravens and there is 1:45 on the clock with one timeout.  It should be interesting to see what Tomlin lets Dixon do.  A first down run…and then a second down run… well that answers that question.

9:46  Halftime 14-7 Ravens…

9:53  That Great Moment in Tailgating History halftime ad is totally unbelievable.  No one watched the Steelers when they played at Forbes Field… it would be like paying to watch HYP Flag Football.

10:00  An entire half and we have not heard about how this was a two chin strap game.  That disappoints me.  It kills me when they refer to Steelers/Ravens as two chin strap games.  Maybe CBS has a trademark on that phrase.

10:10  I get it!  Oher’s story was made into a movie… please stop talking about it.  Please just give me some analysis and reasonable commentary about the game I am watching.  I am not going to see The Blind Side… please stop pimping it.

10:15  Reed nails a 44-yard kick to make it a four point game. 14-10 Ravens.  Look out Baltimore, your Wawa paper towel dispensers are about to get a visit from Skippy Reed tonight.

10:21  Timmons shoots the gap and drives The Unibrow to the ground for a 10 yard loss on the sack.  That sets up a quick 3rd down for a second sack and the defense shows up big time there.  This game feels like a winnable game.  I am having a better feeling about this one then I have the past two games.  The Steelers should be able to find a way to win this game.  (Looking back, I wish there was someone watching the game with me so they could have punched me in the face for thinking and writing this.)

10:27  Ohh…a Hines Ward retrospective of his best hits on Ed Reed… Can I buy that on DVD?  I would play it on a constant loop for hours.  I love the one where he lays Reed out and then is calling for the trainer before the play is even over.  Classic.

10:29  Luke Wilson is doing the AT&T postcard commercial… Wow, AT&T has cell phone coverage in major cities.  He spends the 30 second ad listing the 20 most populous cities in America… I am totally blown away that AT&T is servicing all these huge population centers.

10:37  Can we cut William Gay?  He has been getting killed on the field for weeks.  I am tired of him getting burned on the deep pass and getting juked to death on run plays.  I should not be forced to endure his retardary any further.

10:48  Ravens return man Chris Carr is one strange looking dude.  He looks like he might fit in as an extra on Avatar. Tiny ears…

10:50  Timmons forces the fumble and the Steelers recover.  This is the break they need to take the lead.  Dixon had better find his first half form.

10:58  Dixon runs it to the right for a 28 yard touchdown!!! A great block by Mewelde Moore made it possible.  Now the defense needs to hold the Ratbirds’ offense.

10:59  I just realized (again) that the Steelers’ Special Ed Team needs to kickoff after a score.  Yeah, I am reaching for that 12 year old Jameson right now. Going to use that to wash down more antacid…

11:10  4th and five at mid-field and the Ravens go for it.  Rice takes it to the 10 yard line for a first and goal.  There is 2:53 on the clock and the Steelers defense is shook up… They are going to crap this game away.  I am ready to jump out of a window.

11:17  The Steelers defense holds at the goal line and the Ravens tie the game at 17 with 1:51 left to play.  Dixon has a chance to be a hero to the entire city of Pittsburgh…

11:21  A four and out… Dixon can’t read a zone defense to save his life.  The punt to Carr and he drives it to within field goal range… I nearly light my home on fire but thankfully the stupid Ravens commit a block in the back penalty… that’s the only thing that saves the special teams from mass execution upon their return to the ‘burgh.

11:24  Ike Taylor gets hit with pass interference AND illegal contact on the same play with Derrick Mason… this puts the Ravens within field goal range.  Taylor as been getting destroyed all game.  But wait the Ravens screw themselves with a 10 yard offensive pass interference call… thank you for being stupid Baltimore.

11:27  Sack and fumble recovered by Baltimore… and the Ravens rush out to make the kick and damn that nearly gave me a heart attack… it fell three yards short and may have just taken 3 years off my life.  Overtime… Free football!

11:37  Dixon drops back to pass on 2nd and six with an empty set… That was stupid play calling; if you don’t make it you are setting it up so that you have to pass it on third down.  At least go with a play action there.  The spread offense does not get it done with Dixon against a zone.

11:42  Dixon throws a killer interception.  It is returned to the 33 yard line.  That’s the game.  The Ravens will just run it down the Steelers throat from here on out.  I am now contemplating my will to live.  The Steelers have lost three in a row as Baltimore prevails 20-17.

11:47  Not a great game for the Steelers by any stretch of the imagination and probably a worse Running Diary.  The Steelers now sit at 6-5 and half a game behind the Ravens in the Wild Card Race.

11:55  Ray Lewis and Ray Rice are being interviewed as the Stars of the Game.  Ray-Ray (that’s Lewis) can’t stop talking… he is filibustering his own sideline interview.  He says and I quote: “… I touch Ray [Rice] and I get power just from touching him…  I also get power from stabbing people then absorbing their soul.”  (I made that last part up but apparently Ray-Ray likes touching other Rays.  Good to know.) Time to sign off… Congratulations for sticking it out through this rambling mess.

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Bearcat

Entertainment News the DSB way…

Oprah: “I’m outta here…someday.”
Oprah announced last week that she would be ending her wildly popular talk show… in September of 2011.  Two freaking years from now.  Brett Favre is envious of Oprah.  If only he had thought about announcing his retirement years in advance then he could have started the will-he-won’t-he circus years in advance.  How about announcing the end of the show at the beginning of your 25th year instead of so far ahead it just seem stupid to have any reaction to it at all.  How are we supposed to care that you are calling it quits in two years?  In not-so-unrelated news Dr. Phil has promised not to quit… this disappointed nearly everyone.

Cruise-ing for a bruising

Scientology: Because he was not a D-Bag enough without it.

In Spain, two women were injured on the set of the new Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz film after seven bulls escaped from their pen during shooting for the action comedy Knight and Day.  DSB’s crack European investigative team has uncovered that the bulls tried to escape after learning that they would be involved in a Tom Cruise film.  Spain is the only modern industrialized nation to not view this as animal cruelty.

Jon and Kate + Eight + A Team of Blood Thirsty Trial Lawyers

Tonight is the end of the of Jon and Kate + Eight reality series.  At the end of season three, Jon and Kate were renewing their wedding vows on a beach in Hawaii; at the end of season four, Jon and Kate are using lawyers as trebuchets to launch mud at what most would consider an alarming rate.  The series (in one season) went from ten million viewers to barely one million.  Apparently watching a trainwreck on reality TV is only fun when it does not look like the millions of trainwrecks that end in divorce ever year.  Day trips to beaches and amusement parks are cute with eight little rugrats, but when you are on the Today Show couch or Larry King’s set the next day slinging shit about money missing from joint accounts people get tired of your messed up life quite quickly.  Maybe instead of families on reality TV we should focus on drunk single men and women hooking up on dating shows with D-Listers.  At least no kids get hit in that cross fire.

Adam Lambert… dude looks like a lady

After Sunday’s broadcast of the American Music Awards (the lamest of all music award shows) Jennifer Lopez should be thanking American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert for stealing the show.  Lopez whose boxing ring lip-sync was so bad that she was mouthing words that have never existed would have been the story had it not been for Lambert’s man-on-man lip lock and simulated BJ.  I am not easily offended, but this really got to me.  No…not the man-on-man kiss.  I don’t need/want to see it, but that did not offend me. What offended me is Lambert is claiming that his lip lock with the piano man was “not planned but in the moment.”  Bullshit.  In a gay sex-charged performance that had choreographed simulated sex all over the place and in which Lambert admitted that he wanted to push the envelope – – it was planned.  Just have the decency to be honest Lambert.  You felt repressed on American Idol either because you wanted to win or because you were managed that way and now you want everyone to know just how gay you are.  We get it; you are very, very gay…Just be honest about your performance and don’t treat us like we don’t know any better.

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Bearcat

NFL Truth & Rumors, Week 11

Before we get to the Truth & Rumors, I’d just like to point out that this week (November 18^th, to be exact) marks the 24th anniversary of Lawrence Taylor ending Joe Theismann’s playing career by snapping his lower right leg on live television. In celebration, ESPN will honor that seminal moment in NFL history this Monday night when Tennessee’s Keith Bullock will attempt to re-create LT’s stomach-turning hit on Houston’s very own china doll, Matt Schaub. Enjoy the games!

Q: Why was Titans 86-year-old owner Bud Adams jubilantly flipping the bird from his luxury suite on Sunday?

A: Most people believe that Adams was giving the one-finger wave to the Bills’ fans or to their owner, Ralph Wilson. What these people don’t realize is that the Adams’ suite at LP Field in Nashville opposes the home team. Adams was actually giving a big F-U to his head coach, Jeff Fisher, for sticking with Kerry Collins so long this year. In effect, Adams was simply relaying to Fisher that he was right in making Fisher bench Collins and start Vince Young.

Q: Will former Bills coach Dick Jauron find another coaching job?

A: With a ten-year career coaching record of 60-82 (.423 winning percentage), one playoff appearance and zero playoff wins on his resume, wouldn’t the Cleveland Browns do backflips for that kind of production? Someone get the Jauronasaurus on the phone, stat!

Q: What the #*$&%@ is going on with Rex Ryan?! First he cries when addressing his team on Monday, then he incoherently rambles about reaching out to various active and retired coaches?

A: I know, right!? This is obviously a classic case of a coach losing it. Unwarranted tears and crying in a public setting are the first stage of going batshit crazy. The second stage is massive weight gain. We can expect the sec- … uh-oh.

Q: How bad is Denver QB Kyle Orton’s injury?

A: Orton, best known for having a neck beard, tore ligaments in his left ankle on Sunday and was replaced by Chris Simms, who is best known for having his spleen removed after taking a beating at the hands of the Carolina Panthers in 2006. Up by three at halftime, Simms skillfully engineered the Broncs’ second-half collapse against the lowly Redskins by completing just 3 of 13 passes for 13 yards with one pick. I’d say Orton will be back sooner than the doctors recommend, like by the second quarter of this Sunday’s game against the Chargers.

Q: Any truth to the rumor that a Pittsburgh fan was actually poisoned by Bears fans after a Week 2 game in Chicago?

A: Poisoned is such a strong term with negative connotations. The Steeler fan, 46-year-old Zack Eddinger, was offered a drink, or “peacemaker,” after some good-natured, two-way trash talk with several Bears fans. Little did Eddinger know that a “Peacemaker” in Chicago is just a fancy name for a drink that is equal parts grain alcohol and antifreeze. Honest mistake.

Q: Did some ex-Patriots really rough up high school kids in a charity basketball game last weekend?

A: This one is a blatantly false rumor! Unless by “high school kids” you mean actual girlfriends of the ex-Patriots, or by “charity basketball game” you mean a hotel room in Toronto, then there is no way this one is true. But if that’s what you meant, then yes, it is true.

Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
ZJ

Posts from the John

Since you’ve been clamoring for it, once a week I may put up a short, work-related post from the restroom at my place of employment. Enjoy.

At my workplace, there are three stairwells – one on each end of the floor and one in the middle. I would confidently say that we have a plethora of stairways in my building, and I use them regularly. Often, I’ll take the stairs from the ground floor up to my office on the 5^th and vice-versa. Now, when I have to travel from the 5^th floor to the 17^th, there’s no way in hell I’m taking the stairs – that’s a climb on par with K2, and I don’t see any sherpas around here. However, one thing that irks me to no end is that person who rides the elevator to go up or down ONE FLOOR. You’ve got to be kidding me, right? There’s a stairwell thirty feet from the elevator bank, bud. I realize you’re fat. I realize you’re lazy and that you don’t want to y’know, “work” … but you’ll wait upwards of four minutes and stare blankly at the elevator doors to save yourself 22 downhill steps?? I don’t get it.

But those single-floor-hoppers don’t draw my contempt as greatly as a MUCH MORE INFURIATING subset of co-workers: those who absolutely CANNOT wait for you to exit the elevator before they must immediately march in. This may be the rudest act I’ve witnessed in the workplace. Please wait the three seconds until I get out! It’s like elevator rape. In fact, I simply refer to these people as “Sperm Cells” for the way in which they single-mindedly penetrate the egg, er, elevator with complete disregard for anyone getting out. They do not “mind the gap,” as they say in England; they more or less flood the gap in a bukkake of inconsideration and selfishness. I’m already on the elevator – I have the right of way, sperm! Stay out! Luckily, I’ve developed a simple and effective counterattack: to safeguard against unwanted sperm advancement, I’ve begun standing front and center as the elevator doors open, much like a birth control device, or diaphragm, if you will. And every time, the sperm has been surprised by my presence, more or less blocking its entrance. This is when the sperm becomes slightly confused, and in that moment of hesitation, I make my move off the elevator, often throwing a shoulder into the perpetrator. Also, if possible, I will fart as I step out of the elevator in the hope of encasing the sperm in a tomb of stink for its transgression. I WILL NOT BE OUTWITTED, SPERM! Sweet victory is mine!

Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
ZJ

NFL Truth & Rumors, Week 10

In case you missed NFL Truth & Rumors from Weeks 1-9, click here.

Q: Is Eric Mangini really on the hot seat in Cleveland already?

A: Of course not. Don’t be stupid. Remember, this is a man we called “The ManGenius” as recently as 13 months ago. You don’t get to sit atop the hot seat simply by switching quarterbacks every three weeks, so let’s all settle down. Sure, when he was coach of the Jets last season he lobbied hard for the Jets to draft Vernon Gholston, who has yet to record an NFL sack. And yeah, he presides over the “opportunity drill” which has now claimed two victims in RB James Davis (season-ending shoulder injury) and second-year defensive end Keith Grennan (torn patellar tendon) of the practice squad. So what if his Browns’ team is 1-7 with the second-highest negative point differential in the league? I suspect The ManGenius is rope-a-doping all of us and has something truly brilliant up his sweatshirted-sleeve. Stay tuned.

Q: Now that he’s been waived by the Chiefs, where will running back Larry Johnson land?

A: Though the Washington Redskins may seem like the most logical landing spot for the washed-up back, the more likely scenario has Johnson in Leavenworth Federal Prison for assault and battery. Although don’t rule out the Redskins.

Q: Will Jon Gruden coach in 2010?

A: Gruden, who I like to call “The Nicknamer,” will not be able to resist the urge to smirk and scream at men twice his size next season. The Nicknamer is a man who craves power above all else, and while he’s trained Ron Jaworski like a little puppy, it’s the headstrong, unfeeling robot named Mike Tirico who will not cave to Gruden’s wiles and charms, forcing him to return to his glory on the sidelines in 2010. Domo arigato, Mr. Tirico!

Q: After the latest in a series of incidents, has Joe Namath’s yellow labrador been declared a “dangerous” dog?

A: Dangerous? Yes. Lethal? No, not yet. To truly achieve Lethal Status, the dog must master advanced mortal techniques and complete a series of complex challenges, such as attacking and killing a horse. Joey Porter scoffs at Namath’s “dangerous” lab.

Bonus Basketball Truth & Rumor!

Q: Is it true that LeBron James is spearheading a movement to persuade every NBA player who wears No. 23 to give it up as a tribute to Michael Jordan?

A: James, who has said that he is changing numbers to honor Jordan, is unquestionably coercing the Association to outlaw retire honor No. 23 in deference to his Bitterness Airness. It is strongly believed that Commandant Stern is already issuing edicts to teams “to cease and desist” allowing players to wear the most popular number in organized basketball.

Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
ZJ

Steelers on Monday Night? That must mean it’s a Running Diary

You’re looking live… at the Daddy’s Sugar Ball Monday Night Football Running Diary…

8:00 Welcome back loyal readers.  Tonight the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Denver Broncos at Mile High Stadium in Denver, Colorado.  In preparation for tonight’s matchup I have beer in the fridge and Mrs. Bearcat has brownies baking in the oven.  As is my tradition prior to any big Pittsburgh sporting event, I try to eat foods that are from my hometown… anything from pierogies to Isley’s Chipped Chopped Ham. Tonight was Jim’s Hot Dogs.  If Jesus Christ opened a hot dog shop they would taste like Jim’s.  Tonight’s beverage of choice is beer (unless the game turns south).  First up is Harpoon Leviathan Imperial IPA. This is a big beer.  10% ABV. Very hoppy with a proper amount of bitterness to get me in the mood for a Denver beat down.

8:20 Prediction:  Steelers 24 Broncos 17… Holy shit am I pumped up.  Ready for beer number two but I would like to make it through the entire game/blog post.

8:24  That waiting for the next beer thing sucks. F that…  Just opened a 22oz bottle of La Fin Du Monde.  It’s a triple abbey style beer from those fake French pricks in Quebec, but damn do these particular phony French bastards made a damn find beer.  Cloudy, a little hoppy with lots of citrusy-ness.  9% ABV in a big bottle of beer.  Yeah, I am ready.

8:28 Steve Young, Matt Millen, Cris Carter, Tom Jackson and Boomer take the Broncos… I am now contacting the Steeler fan network to coordinate trash being thrown in their yards in retribution.

8:30 Mike Tomlin:  “Every day I go into work I walk past those six Lombardis… that is the standard for this team.” I just got chills.  I love that man.

8:33 With the addition of Ty Law this past Friday, the combined age of the Broncos secondary could take you back to the Stone Age.

8:39 Yes Hank…I am in fact ready for some football.  Please explode some helmets already.

8:40  Orange pom-poms?  Those are gay.  I would never wave one.  The Terrible Towel will punish your pansy pom-pom.

8:44 This passing the ball at will thing is not fun to watch…the Steelers defense needs to wake up.

8:50 After a high octane start by the Broncos, the Steelers Defense tightens up and holds Denver to a field goal.  During that drive ESPN spent at least 5 minutes talking about Ryan Clark and his sickle cell disease.  Is he listed on the injury report as a blood disorder?  No…according to ESPN he is out with a spleen.

8:52 Steelers offense takes the field… I am preparing myself for a disheartening INT.

8:55 Could Big Ben hold the ball any longer for that 3rd down sack?  I think he was waiting for one of the corner backs to die of old age.  He nearly made it.

9:01 Brandon Marshall’s shoes will be placed in the Yucca Mountain Nuclear Waste Repository after the game.  This is for the safety of all Americans.  To look directly at those shoes could cause eyeball cancer.

9:10 End of the first quarter:  3-0 Denver.  Time to open another beer. That last one was fantastic.  Switching to “regular” beer.  Molson Canadian… in a can.  Always have liked this beer.

9:15 After Orton got his jock licked for the past 20 minutes by the ESPN booth he fakes the “wild horses” formation (stupid name) when (BAM!) Tyrone Carter TAINTs (Touchdown After INT) Orton!!!  That sounds like a WWE call.  I would love to hear Jim Ross call  “Orton TAINTED by Carter!”

9:31 4th and 5 after McDaniels channeled his inner Andy Reid by losing the challenge and Denver is going for it… A completion but there is a holding call on the play.  Finally! James Harrison gets a holding call.  I thought holding Harrison was allowed in the NFL.  Of course Jaws disagrees with the flag.  I hate him.

9:36  Wait…the Steelers get to play offense?  I thought they were going to play defense all night… Just punt it on first down and try to get safeties and interceptions returned for touchdowns.

9:42  Mike Tomlin’s message to our armed forces should be played to the Taliban.  They would quit fighting us and instantly become Steeler fans.

9:47  Chucky just informed the audience that Brett “The Diesel” Keisel (the defensive lineman wearing the uniform who just made a tackle) is a football player.  Glad we cleared that up.

9:52  Halftime…that means it’s time for brownies and another beer.  This game is moving along at a nice pace.  I might actually get to bed at a reasonable hour for once.

Your half-time entertainment: (NSFW unless your work is ok with songs about accidental anal sex)

http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/2ym8

10:09  We are back…Hank Williams asks again if I am ready for some football.  Yes…still ready.

10:11 After getting in a rhythm on offense, Ben gets the ball smacked out of his hand and it is taken 54 yards to the house by Denver.  I would destroy my television but I need to complete this post.  I am furious beyond words.  Time to break out the Jameson…

10:20  On three passes Big Ben has moved the ball 60 yards down for a first and goal from the three and then a Hines Ward Touchdown!!! That was fantastic. Denver is in trouble.  Backing away from the Jameson…

10:38 This Steelers offense was looking like a well oiled machine until that end zone interception…back on the Jameson.

10:42 LaGarrette Blount was reinstated today meaning he will take the field this weekend as the Oregon Ducks face Arizona.  The PAC-10 approved the reinstatement.  Think this has anything to do with Oregon all but winning the conference and getting to represent the PAC-10 in a major bowl?  Me neither.

10:45 The fourth quarter…I wish I could mute my TV but I am afraid I might miss Mike Tirico killing Chucky because he can’t shut up.

10:58 Can we quit trying to teach Limas Sweed to catch a football during the game.  Can we just cut him already?  I am pretty sure that he has dropped over 100 balls since being drafted.  The Steelers should cut him in Denver and tell him to take a Greyhound bus home.

11:02  Troy Polamalu with the INT… sublime.  Another reminder of why the Steelers drafted him instead of Larry Johnson.  At least Orton is taking it well…he appears to be chewing out his buddies on the bench. That’s leadership.

11:05  Roethlisberger rolls out on 3rd and 10 and throws a bullet to Mike “60 Minutes” Wallace for the touchdown.  I would have something witty to say here but between the beer and the Jameson my brain is barely functional at this point.

11:14  Denver is all out of challenges and has just one timeout with six minutes to play…great game management by McDaniels.

11:23 Watching the Steelers run the ball down a defense’s throat just warms the heart.

11:24 Gruden looks like he is wearing a bullet proof vest under his suit. I don’t think he is that annoying, but of course I have not seen his hate mail.

11:26 Is Stuart Scott wearing OJ Simpson’s gloves?  Those looked just like the Juice’s leather Isotoners.

11:39 Tyrone Carter with another INT to end the game.  Congrats Steelers…you are 6-2 and next week you get a chance to exact some revenge on the Cincinnati Bungles.  A great Steeler win.  The halftime adjustments were well executed. A fine win.

12:01  “Big Ben is tough to coach against and tough to coach”…(what?)…”He is like Night at the Improv and he is Johnny Carson…”  Someone please keep Millen from talking about football.  He might cause me to hurt myself or someone else.  I can’t take any more so I am signing off.  Thanks for checking out this rambling pile of crap…out.  See you in the comments section.

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Bearcat