V.O.: This year, many failing sports franchises nationwide will close their doors for good. If things don’t change soon, the Washington Redskins in Ashburn, Virginia will become just another statistic.
In May 1999 lifelong fan and telemarketing entrepreneur Dan Snyder purchased the football team for $800 million dollars. Even though the deal was financed largely through borrowed money, it was at the time the most expensive transaction in sporting history.
Dan Snyder: Whatever it takes to win, let’s do it, let’s do it no matter what. The fans deserve it, the players deserve it, I deserve it, you know?
V.O.: Since acquiring the team, the Redskins’ annual revenue increased almost 250 percent and Snyder coaxed Hall of Fame coach Joe Gibbs out of retirement.
But soon the diminutive owner turned the Redskins’ reputation from storied franchise into a perennial cellar dweller in the NFC East.
Now with a team mired in incompetence and dysfunction, Snyder has agreed to pull back the doors, bust open the books, and make a call for help…to Jon Taffer and Franchise Rescue.
/Black Chevy Suburban pulls up
Jon Taffer: So guys, here we are at the Redskins’ headquarters in Northern Virginia.
V.O.: For recon Jon brings in the best…Bill Polian, long-time football executive and architect of the Indianapolis Colts’ Super Bowl championship in 2007. With his background in scouting and skills in salary cap management, Polian can help raise the talent level of a team that finished just 4-12 this season.
Also along with Jon is Super Bowl winning coach Bill Parcells who can revive the motivation and discover any issues on the coaching staff.
Jon Taffer: This team, this organization has won five NFL championships in its rich history. But they’ve only won two playoff games in the last 20 years. And let’s be honest guys, since Dan Snyder has bought the team there’s been one public relations nightmare after another.
/hidden cameras show the inside of Snyder’s office
Jon Taffer: There’s Dan in his office now.
Dan Snyder (on phone): The trees need to be removed! I demand it! Lovey needs to see the Potomac!
/new GM Scot McCloughan walks in and sits down
Jon Taffer: There’s their new General Manager, Scot McCloughan. He was a big part of the recent successes of both the 49ers and Seahawks.
Bill Polian: No one doubts Scot’s expertise in player evaluation but he also had to quit his last job in Seattle. His battles with alcohol are well-known in league circles and hopefully he’s put that behind him.
Bill Parcells: That’s a big roll of the dice for this team, wouldn’t you say?
Jon Taffer: You make risky decisions when you’re desperate. Let’s all go in and see what we have to work with.
/Taffer walks into Snyder’s office
Jon Taffer: Dan, I’m Jon Taffer.
Dan Snyder: Nice to meet you Jon. How may I help you?
Jon Taffer: How may you help me? I’m here to help you!! Call everyone into the conference room, we’re having a staff meeting right now.
Dan Snyder: But…but…
Jon Taffer: NOW!
/Taffer stands in front of a bunch of employees in the conference room
Jon Taffer: My name is Jon Taffer. I’m here to save this franchise. Dan has run this team into the ground and acted like the players and coaches are from his own personal LEGO set. The fan experience at FedEx field is one of the worst in the league. This man here has served expired and out of date beer because why the hell not. He’s wasted millions of dollars on big name free agents way past their prime. He’s more invested in winning the offseason. And I haven’t even touched on the silly, out of date logic he has to hanging onto the offensive Redskins name.
Dan Snyder: But the name is about honor. It’s respect. It’s pride. And I think that every player here sees it, feels it, every alumni feels it, and it’s a wonderful thing, it’s a historic thing.
Jon Taffer: Shame on you.
Dan Snyder: But…
Jon Taffer: Shame! On! You!
Jon Taffer: I don’t embrace excuses. I embrace solutions. I’m here to turn this franchise around. What I want to understand from all of you is a little about what’s going on.
Bruce Allen: Jon, I firmly believe we’re winning off the field.
Jon Taffer: What do you even do here?
Bruce Allen: I’m in charge of Harvest Fest and …
Jon Taffer: Get out!
/Allen hangs his head and leaves
Jon Taffer: I don’t do this alone. These are my two friends and experts: Bill Polian and Bill Parcells.
Dan Snyder: Ohmygod…ohmygod…ohmygod. Mr. Parcells will you be our new head coach. I’ll give you a kajillion dollars.
Bill Parcells: Um…Jay Gruden is standing right there. Isn’t he already your coach?
Dan Snyder: Not if you say yes.
Jon Taffer: You will not be hiring anyone while I’m here.
Dan Snyder: Well, we just hired Joe Barry as our new defensive coordinator.
Bill Parcells: Rod Marinelli’s son-in-law?
Dan Snyder: Yep.
Bill Polian: The guy that went through a Wendy’s drive thru naked?
Bill Parcells: Nah…that was a different assistant coach with the Lions.
Dan Snyder: Is that guy available?
Jon Taffer: Shut it down…Shut it down now! SHUT! IT! DOWN!
Daddy's Sugar Ball 