What are you going to do…charge me with smoking?
People all the world over are asking if actress coke fiend Lindsay Lohan was dressed appropriately when she showed up to court in a short, tight white dress that evoked thoughts of Sharon Stone’s famous police interview in Basic Instinct. DSB has learned that Lohan made the court appearance only after her handlers enablers tricked her into thinking she was attending the grand opening of the newest LA club, Blind Justice. They were forced to lie when it was the only way get her to put down the mirror, straw, and bottle of Grey Goose.
Swashbuckling to the End
To address the rampant truths and rumors surrounding his life, Charlie Sheen released this statement earlier in the week:
I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people. I want to say “thank-you” to my fellow cast members, the crew of “Two and a Half Men”, and everyone at CBS and Warner Bros., especially Les Moonves and Bruce Rosenblum for their concern and support. And to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much. Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion, I just want to say, “thank-you.”
Charlie’s sword is his penis, right?
Bong Rips
Movie star, chart topper, Disney mega star, and NYT best selling autobiographical author (I’m not making that up) Miley Cyrus had an interview with Marie Claire in which she admitted that doing gnarly bong hits on her 18th birthday was a “bad decision.” She also stated: “I’m not perfect…I made a mistake. I’m disappointed in myself for disappointing my fans.” DSB’s crack undercover research team has uncovered that those quotes were made between hits on a 3 foot glass bong burning some Northern Lights Kush.
The Grammy Awards: Not Getting It Right for 53 years
It was announced last night that Bob Dylan will appear at this weekend’s Grammy Awards and he will perform with Mumford & Sons. The sound you hear is America going “Huh?” Rumor is that Grammy producers were so far unsuccessful in their desperate search of all Los Angeles underpasses and rest stop glory holes looking for Soy Bomb.
Chaz Bono now thinks he has a chance with Kristen Davis
“Sex and the City” star Cynthia Nixon added to her family earlier this week when partner Christine Marinoni (left) gave birth to a baby boy. Yes, the one on the left is a chick who was apparently created in a laboratory with one part Rupert Grint, open part Rachel Dratch, and one part David Spade. Did all those years on the SATC set with Ol’ Horseface and Granny Snatch leave Nixon impervious to attractiveness as a wanted quality in a lover?
Life is not worth living
Christina Hendricks was seen in Paris last night shopping for lingerie. That sound you hear is me crying after remembering that the Concord was decommissioned years ago and that it would now take me seven hours to get to Paris. Wait for me Christina…No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you!
Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Bearcat
Russell Brand was arrested for assaulting a Rafterman-like photographer who was allegedly just following orders to get some “good low-angle stuff” and to “not make it too obvious, but I want to see fur and early morning dew.” Brand’s attack on the would be Full Metal Jacket photographer has lead to felony assault charges that place Mr. Katy Perry’s US visa at risk. DSB is looking forward to his forthcoming exile from this country and send condolences to his future homeland.
Former Mel Gibson 
Snooki has a new man. Jeff Miranda, a 24-year old Iraq War veteran from Millstone, NJ, met the Jersey Shore reality whore at the Seaside Heights nightclub Karma on Friday night. They spent the next day together on the boardwalk, riding the rides, holding hands and kissing (no word on note-passing). Miranda commented to Us Magazine that “Nicole is actually really cute and seems like a cool a** person, even though she’s drunk most of the time.” Kudos to Miranda for recognizing Snooki’s love of the drink, but either he was also blackout drunk or blind when he called the foul-mouthed troll “really cute”. DSB also discovered that Miranda is a big fan of the sitcom It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and always wondered what it would be like if Uncle Frank had long hair. Wonder no more…you’re now dating it.
A judge on Monday ruled that Dr. Conrad Murray (Wacko Jacko’s personal drug dealer physician) may keep his California medical license while defending himself against manslaughter charges. So if you were hoping for an appointment with Jack Kevorkian but found his schedule a little tight for your assisted suicide just call up Dr. Murray but hurry because his manslaughter trial will begin later this summer.
Wacko Jacko clan patriarch Joe Jackson gave an interview to the British
Sunday night CBS aired the 64th Tony Awards. There were lots of winner but none more than DSB editor Max Power who cuddled up on the couch and made jazz hands at the TV for four hours. (He really, really likes Broadway musicals.)
The LA County Coroner has reported that Corey Haim died from pneumonia complicated by an enlarged heart and narrowed blood vessels. While drugs were in Haim’s system they played “no role” in the actors death. Haim’s cause of death was listed as “community-acquired pneumonia.” While he had eight different drugs in his system and a life long drug problem it was pneumonia that killed him. It was not the 553 prescription pills that he obtained over the course of the two months leading up to his death. It was pneumonia. It was not the Valium and Xanax or Vicodin or Oxycontin that he took daily. It was pneumonia. Of course, I’m not a forensic pathologist. So what do I know…
MTV News is reporting that DSB Entertainment News regular Lindsay Lohan has been cast to play the role of iconic porn star Linda Lovelace in an upcoming biopic. Originally, Anna Faris was rumored to be in line for the role but in what can only be described as some reverse method acting Lohan has been linked to the Deep Throat starlet’s role. I can only wonder how Lindsay’s father will make this all about him.
NBC announced today that Jimmy Fallon, who for some reason is listed as a comedian, will host the Emmy Awards broadcast on July 8th. It is obvious to this blogger that NBC was looking for a shaky, unfunny, deer-in-the-headlights host to emcee the annual 
Jason Pfeiffer is the man 
Naomi “Misdemeanor Assault” Campbell recently went on The Oprah Winfrey Show to discuss her notorious attacks on employees, co-workers and taxi drivers. The mid-afternoon mea culpa resulted in Naomi saying “I’m ashamed of every thing I’ve ever done.” Everything? Even waking up in the morning? Moving on… Oprah went so far during the interview as to call the sometimes-model-sometimes-cell phone-attacker “a diva”. Is it me or is that the pot calling the kettle bl-…ummm…well you can see where that was going.
Daddy's Sugar Ball 
